Suddenly I realised that even how bad I want some things to change, they will never be like what I want them to be...

Maybe I have to face the fact that sometimes some things will never change even how bad I want them to be...the only thing that I can do is just to accept and surrender to it...there's nothing else that I can do about it basically...

I just have to accept that some things that people do or say to me I just could not make them stop doing it or saying it...even how bad those things are and how inappropriate that thing is for me to hear if they say it in front of my face...even how sad or upset or devastated or angry I will be if I hear it from them ...I just don't understand why they could do this things to me...I wish that they have a little bit kinder heart and empathy towards me...don't they ever think that maybe I will feel awkward or upset if they say those things in front of me?...

Maybe they didn't realise that I have been so kind to other people because I'd rather keep some things to myself than hurting other people...I am a firm believer that some things in life or some thoughts that we have in our heart, others should not know and it is better to just keep it inside...even how bad we want other people to know about it...I wish that those people understand what I'm talking about and they will change their behaviour at least a bit...I just wish it could be like that...

 Maybe they would say that it's the freedom of speech, I can say whatever I want to say to you or to the rest of the world...yes, maybe you're right, but maybe it's right in your own world, and not mine...maybe you should consider that...maybe I don't like to hear every single truth in this world after all...

Maybe there are things in life that we think that other people would love to know and share but maybe you're just plain wrong and no one wants to know about it...no one...

I'm just a bit sad...but I'll get over it...eventually...

Ada tak “magical eraser” somewhere out there?...if there is a shop selling it, I will make sure myself buying it even how much it will cost me...betul , sometimes ada perkara-perkara dalam hidup ni yang lebih baik di”padam”kan sahaja sampai kita tak ingat apa-apa pasal benda tu...you know why?...it’s because those things don’t mean a thing anymore even how bad you try to cling to it...tak ada faedahnya...buat kita lagi sedih, sakit hati, merana, tak boleh buat kerja lain dan lain-lain lagi...

Rasanya kalau adalah wujudnya pemadam ajaib (budak-budak sekolah kata “rubber”...) ni, dah lama I will get it for myself because macam ni alkisahnya...if let’s say lh kan, in our everyday life, kita tersalah tulis something atas kertas kan, we can just erase it and start to write new things on top of it...and kita tak akan nampak dah “kesilapan” yang kita dah buat sebelum tu, betul tak?...

so, kalaulah adanya wujudnya di dunia yang fana ini seketul pemadam ajaib ni, akan diriku ini beli seketul dua dan akan aku padamkan sahaja segala mala kesilapan ataupun segala mala kebahagian yang akhirnya tak ke mana tu dan yang tinggal hanya kenangan yang tak ada faedahnya...senang kan?...padam aja, lepas tu tulis benda baru atas dia...Voila!...habis cerita...kita tak akan ingat pun benda tu pernah berlaku dalam hidup kita...seronoknya macam gitu kan?...

But who am I kidding lah kan...kalau adalah terjualnya benda sebegini dekat dunia ni, memang tauke jual benda tu dah jadi tycoon dah kot...yelah, ramai orang akan beli and gunakan produk itu sebaik mungkin untuk kebahagiaan diri mereka dan juga untuk kebahagiaan insan disekeliling mereka...for a good or bad reasons I suppose...

Tapi...kenyataan nya...benda tu tak wujud...tak ada...jangan harap ada...sampai kiamat pun tak ada...

So, macamana ye?...  

For me, apa gunanya clinging to all these memories?...what good can it do for me?...kenangan hanya akan menjadi kenangan...segala macam jenis mak nenek kenangan, tak kisahlah yang happy ke, yang sedih ke, yang menggeramkan ke, yang entah apa-apa ke...akan hanya jadi kenangan...

boleh buat apa dengan kenangan?...boleh ke kita nak kahwin dengan kenangan?...boleh ke kita nak tidur dengan kenangan?...boleh ke kita nak berbual-bual dengan kenangan?...boleh ke kenangan pujuk kita bila kita merajuk?...boleh ke kenangan menangis dengan kita?...boleh ke kenangan layan mengada-ngada kita?...boleh ke kenangan ni semua janjikan kita sesuatu?...jawapannya tak boleh...memang geram sangat-sangat and sedih sangat-sangat bila memikirkannya...tapi itulah kenyataannya...

so, apa faedahnya lah simpan kenangan-kenangan ni semua?...hem memang senang cakap sahaja sebenarnya, tapi hem sendiri memang tak sanggup sangat-sangat nak buang segala mak nenek kenangan ni semua...tak tahu kenapa...rasa bersalah pun ye juga...takut menyesal pun ye juga...mixed feelings gamaknya...so, nak tak nak, simpan jelah...

But I’ve learned something from this...if you’re keeping all these memories in whatever places that you’re keeping them in...don’t you ever make yourself looking at it ever again...just make sure you don’t do it because I’ve done it and it made my day and night like hell...all those memories will flashed back right inside your mind like a bad movie that you cannot make yourself stop  from watching it and there’s no “stop” or even a “pause” button that you can press...and in the end, you’ll be miserable...thanks to these memories...

and one more thing that I’ve learned is not to be extra rajin and looking at other people’s photo albums in facebook because that too will trigger something and it’s not going to be good...at least for me...  

penat bercerita pun, back to square one katanya...i just have to face the fact that memories will remain to be just memories that will not benefit me in anyway...memories can’t promise and provide me with anything...

wait a minute?...they can promise me one thing actually!...

making a mess to my drawers!...that’s it...

terima kasih kenangan...

Setelah agak lama ketandusan idea nak menulis, akhirnya terlintas di hati ini nak menulis sesuatu yang hem rasakan dekat di hati hem dan korang-korang semua...hopefully it is...

Memandangkan aku ni duduk bawah tempurung katanya kan, baru tetiba nak discover and tengok all these previous shows on Britain's Got Talent...Che mai Kodiang katanya...entah-entah orang Kodiang pun dah lama tahu pasal benda ni...hahaha...but many thanks to Joen sebab dialah yang tiba-tiba sebut nama Susan Boyle which was one of the contestant for that show (unfortunately she's not the winner...sigh) yang dia cakap tengah hangat gila diperkatakan satu dunia...sampai officemate dia pun dah ala-ala repeat mode lagu Susan Boyle aje sepanjang masa...tapi tetaplah aku yang duduk di bumi yang sama ni tak tahu menahu pasal benda ni...malu jugak rasanya...tapi aku pasti ada jugak dalam berbilion-bilion manusia dalam dunia ni yang sama macam aku kot...haha...I wish...

Anyway, hem pun teruslah meng"youtube"kan nama si Susan Boyle itteww kan...Pap! Terus keluar macam –macam video yang menarik about this lady and hits video-video ni dah menjangkau sampai 80 juta!...tetaplah rasa malu lagi sebab hem baru discover sekarang...very the benda dah basi tapi tak apa, better late than never, am I right?...

I was completely in love and mesmerised by her voice instantly...teruslah mencari2 mp3 dia di web katanya kan...instant fan terus katanya lagi...I was so amazed with her because everybody, even the judges for that show were not convinced by her in the beginning and everybody was expecting that  she will perform badly and will not have any talent at all...Literally, people were sneering and making terrible faces when she said that she wanted to be a professional singer but look who's laughing now! Everybody was having the shock of their life and was amazed...I had goose bumps and tears every time I watched the video...that was how good she is...Just love it!...

Now that was how her story began and currently Susan Boyle has her own debut album and her beautiful voice can be heard all over the world...And she was even in the Oprah show once...Basically, she is an overnight worldwide sensation katanya...and I like what one of the judges, Amanda said when Susan has finished singing and I quote, "I honestly think we were all being very cynical and I think that's the biggest wake-up call ever"...you were right about that Amanda...spot on...

Another person that I discovered in the same show was this guy named Paul Potts...I'm sure you guys heard his name before right?...He was this humble, odd looking, lacking of confidence kinda guy and there he was, singing his heart out with this amazing opera number!...He was as good as the ever popular and superb male opera singer, Luciano Pavarotti...and again, in the first place, everybody was like judging him by the way he looked and even the judges thought that he couldn't make it...but in the end, he won the competition...What an inspiring Cinderella story!...

I'm sure there are more similar stories like these two guys from this hit TV show which I haven't seen yet...but with these two stories, my mind is pondering some thoughts...

First, if these people can do and achieve what they dreamed of becoming, why can't we?...why should we be anymore different from them?...I think they are just like us...What are the reasons that can possibly stop us from pursuing the dreams that we longed to have?... I'm not talking about landing in singing career of becoming famous only, I'm talking about the dreams that we have deep inside each one of us...Well, basically any kind of dream, the sky's the limit...from the miniscule type of dream to the biggest and wildest dream that you had in mind...Those people we've seen on TV are extraordinary examples of normal people like most of us with big dreams and they managed to achieve it...All I can say is that don't be ashamed if you don't have the looks or people are looking down at you...You just have to believe in yourself and pray to the Almighty...Maybe we should try to do this more often in our life...An advice for myself and to you too...

Second, and I don't know how to stress this more... Sometimes we as a human being tend to judge someone simply by looking at their appearances regardless of how talented or how special they are...and I have to admit, I myself did it without even realising it sometimes...and maybe we should together change this scenario and not to be judgemental and make conclusion and presume about other person without even trying to know him or her better...because we don't know who they are, what they are capable of and even maybe the happiness that they could bring us if we just look deeper behind all the "ugliness" that we find lurking in front of our eyes...After all, even a precious diamond started off by looking ugly too...